笨小笨Friends S01E01 (有声读物)歌词由英语听力演唱，出自专辑《老友记（第一季）》，下面是《Friends S01E01 (有声读物)》完整版歌词！
Friends S01E01 (有声读物)歌词完整版
The One Where It All Began
以下歌词翻译由微信翻译+文曲大模型提供
Pilot
There's nothing to tell It's just some guy I work with
You're going out with the guy
你和那家伙在交往
There has to be something wrong with him
他肯定出了什么问题
All right Joey Be nice
好吧，Joey，要友善
So does he have a hump and a hairpiece
那他是不是有驼背和假发啊？
Wait does he eat chalk
等等，他是不是有什么怪癖？
I don't want her to go through what I did with Carl
我不想让她经历我和卡尔的那些痛苦
Okay everybody relax This is not even a date
好了，大家放松，这甚至不是约会
It's just two people going out to dinner and not having ***
只是两个人出去吃晚餐却没有
Sounds like a date to me
听上去像约会
I'm in high school in the cafeteria
我是高中生在自助餐厅里
And I realize I'm totally naked
我发现我全身赤裸
I've had that dream
我做了一个梦
Then I look down and I realize there is a phone
低头一看我发现有一个电话
There
在那里
Instead of That's right
而不是对的
Never had that one
从未拥有过
All of a sudden the phone starts to ring
突然电话响起
What do I do Everyone starts looking at me
我该怎么办每个人都开始看着我
They weren't looking at you before
他们以前不会看你
Finally I figure I'd better answer it
最终我意识到最好接听它
And it turns out it's my mother
结果是我的母亲
Which is very very weird because she never calls me
真是奇怪因为她从来不给我打电话
Hi
He saysHello I want to kill myself
他说你好我想自杀
You okay
你没事吧
I feel like someone pulled my intestine out of my mouth
感觉像有人把我的肠子从嘴里拉出来
And tied it around my neck Cookie
感觉如窒息，缠绕我颈间，Cookie。
Carol moved her stuff out today
卡罗尔今天把东西搬出去了
Let me get you some coffee Thanks
我给你倒杯咖啡谢谢
No don't Stop cleansing my aura
不，别再净化我的气场了
Just leave my aura alone okay fine be murky
别管我的气场好吧好吧低调一点
I'll be fine I hope she'll be happy No you don't
我会没事的我希望她会幸福你不会的
No I don't To hell with her She left me
不，我不在乎，让她见鬼去吧，她离开了我
You never knew she was a lesbian
你不知道她是个女同性恋
No Okay
好吧
Why does everyone keep fixating on that
为什么每个人都关注着这个问题
She didn't know How should I know
她不知道我怎么会知道
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian
有时我希望我是女同性恋
Did I say that out loud
我有没有大声说出来
I told Mom and Dad last night They took it pretty well
昨晚我告诉爸妈他们接受得不错
Oh really
真的吗
So that hysterical phone call from a woman sobbing
一个女人歇斯底里地打来电话泣不成声
I'll never have grandchildren was what A wrong number
我永远不会有孙子这是个错误的数字
Sorry
Look you're feeling a lot of pain right now
听着你现在感觉很痛苦
You're angry You're hurting
你愤怒不已你伤心欲绝
Can I tell you what the answer is
我能否告诉你答案
Strip joints
脱衣舞场所
Hey you're single Have some hormones
嘿，你单身，何不荷尔蒙爆发一下
But I don't want to be single okay
但我不想单身，好吗？
I just want to be married again
我只想再婚
And I just want a million dollars
而我只想要一百万美元。
Rachel Oh Monica Thank God
感谢上帝
I went to your building
我去了你的大楼
And a guy with a hammer said you'd be here and you are
一个拿着锤子的家伙说你会来结果你来了
Can I get you some coffee Decaf
来杯无咖啡因咖啡吗
Everybody this is Rachel a Lincoln High survivor
各位这是Rachel是林肯高中的幸存者
This is everybody Chandler and Phoebe
这是所有人Chandler和Phoebe
Joey Remember my brother Ross
记得我的兄弟罗斯吗
Sure
You want to tell us now or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids
Well it started about a half hour before the wedding
婚礼开始前半小时
I was in the room with all the presents
我在房间里放着礼物
And I was looking at this really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat
我看着这艘漂亮的船形肉船
When all of a sudden
突然之间
Sweet 'N Low
I realized I was more turned on by this gravy boat than Barry
我意识到，比起Barry，这个肉汁船更让我性奋
I got freaked out and it hit me：
我吓坏了突然想到
How much Barry looks like Mr Potato Head Barry
巴里长得太像土豆头先生了
I always knew he looked familiar but
我一直都知道他很面熟但是
I had to get out of there and I started wondering
我必须离开那里我开始怀疑
Why am I doing this and Who am I doing it for
我为何要这样做我为谁而做
I didn't know where to go and I know we've drifted apart
我无处可去，我知道我们已经渐行渐远
But you're the only person I know here
可你是我在这里唯一认识的人
Who wasn't invited to the wedding I hoped that wouldn't be an issue
未受邀婚礼的人
I guess he bought her the pipe organ and she's really not happy about it
我猜他可能为她做了些奢侈的事情，这让她真的很不高兴
Tuna or egg salad Decide
吞拿鱼还是鸡蛋沙拉
I'll have whatever Christina's having
Christina要什么我就要什么
Daddy I just I can't marry him
爸爸我只是我不能嫁给他
Well it matters to me
对我来说很重要
If I let go of my hair my head will fall off
我若放手，如断首级
She should not be wearing those pants
她不该穿那条裤子
Push her Push her down the stairs
将她推倒在地
Come on Daddy listen
来吧爸爸听着
All my life everyone's always told meYou're a shoe
你微不足道
You're a shoe
你只把我当作鞋履
What if I don't want to be a shoe
倘若我不想做一只鞋怎么办？
What if I want to be a purse
若我愿成为钱包，该如何？
Or a hat
或者一顶帽子
No I don't want you to buy me a hat
不，我不希望你买帽子给我
It's a metaphor Daddy
爸爸，这是个比喻
You can see where he'd have trouble
你看他自会有难处
Look Daddy it's my life
听着爸爸这是我的人生
Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica
也许我会和Monica待在这里
I guess we've established she's staying with Monica
我想我们已经确定她和莫妮卡在一起
Well maybe that's my decision
也许这就是我的决定
Maybe I don't need your money
也许我不需要你的钱
Wait I said maybe
等等我说也许
Just breathe That's it
深呼吸就这样
Try to think of nice calm things
试着想想美好平静的事情
Raindrops on roses And whiskers on kittens
玫瑰花上的雨滴，小猫的胡须。
Doorbells and sleigh bells And something with mittens
门铃声和雪橇铃，还有带着手套的温馨事。
La la la something And noodles with string
还有那种东西还有那种面条
I'm all better now
我现在好多了
I helped
我伸出援手
This is probably for the best
这或许是最好的结果
Independence Controlling your life The whole hat thing
独立自主掌控生活，整件事
You can always come to Joey
你随时可以来找乔伊
Me and Chandler live across the hall He's away a lot
我和Chandler住在对门他经常不在家
Stop hitting on her It's her wedding day
别再勾搭她了今天是她的婚礼
Like there's a rule or something
好像有条规矩似的
I got it
我可以的
Please don't do that again It's a horrible sound
请别再这样了这是可怕的声音
It's Paul
我是Paul
Oh God is it 6:30 Buzz him in
天哪现在是六点半吗让他进来
Who's Paul Paul the wine guy
保罗是谁？那个懂酒的人？
Maybe
Your not a real date is with Paul the wine guy
你真正的约会对象是懂酒的保罗
He finally asked you out Yes
他终于约你出去了
It's a Dear Diary moment
这是个值得铭记的时刻
Rach I can cancel Please go I'll be fine
瑞秋我可以取消你走吧我会没事的
Ross are you okay Do you want me to stay Ross
罗斯你没事吧你要我留下来吗罗斯
That'd be good
那就好了
Really Go on It's Paul the wine guy
那就是保罗，那个懂酒的家伙
Does he sell it drink it
他是不是卖那种东西喝那种东西
Or he just complains a lot
或者他只是怨言很多
Hi come in Paul this is
进来吧Paul我是
Everybody Everybody this is Paul
各位这是Paul
The wine guy I didn't catch your name Paul
卖红酒的我不知道你的名字Paul
I'll be right back I've just gotta go
A wandering
Change
Sit down Two seconds
I just pulled out four eyelashes That can't be good
Hey Paul here's a tip
She really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot
Until it starts to get red
Shut up Joey
What are you up to tonight
I was supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon
So nothing
Right You're not even getting your honeymoon
Although Aruba This time of year
Talk about your
Big lizards
If you don't want to be alone tonight
Joey and Chandler are helping me with my furniture
We're very excited about it
Thanks But I'm just going to hang out here
It's been a long day Oh sure
Phoebe wanna help
Love is sweet as summer showers Love is a wondrous work of art
But your love Oh your love your love
Is like a giant pigeon
Crapping on my heart
Thank you La la la la la
I'm supposed to attach a bracket y thing to the side things
Using a bunch of these little worm guys
I have no bracket y thing I see no worm guys whatsoever
And I cannot feel my legs
We got a bookcase It's beautiful
What's this
I would have to say that is an L shaped bracket
Which goes where I have no idea
Done with the bookcase All finished
This was Carol's favorite beer
She always drank it out of the can I should have known
Start with that we're out of here Please don't spoil all this fun
Let me ask you Ross
She got the furniture the stereo the good TV
What did you get
You guys You got screwed
Oh my God I know I'm such an idiot
I should've known when she went to the dentist five times a week
I mean how clean can teeth get
My brother's going through that
How did you get over it
He might accidentally break something valuable of hers
Say her Leg
That's one way of doing it I went for the watch
You actually broke her watch
Steer clear of you That's right
Barry I'm sorry I am so sorry Barry
You probably think it's about making love with your socks on but it isn't
It's about me And I just
The machine cut me off again Anyway
I know that some lucky girl is going to become Mrs Barry finkel
But it isn't me It's not me
Not that I have any idea who me is right now but you just
I'm divorced
I'm only 26 and I'm divorced Shut up
That only took me an hour
We haven't had a relationship that's lasted longer than a Mento Ross
You have had the love of a woman for four years
Four years of closeness and sharing after which she ripped your heart out
That is why we don't do it
I don't think that was my point
Know what's scary What if there's only one woman for everybody
I mean what if you get one woman and that's it
Unfortunately in my case there was only one woman for her
What are you talking about One woman
That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream
Let me tell you something There's lots of flavors out there
Rocky road and cookie dough and bing cherry vanilla
You can get them with jimmies or nuts or whipped cream
It's the best thing to happen to you
You got married You were like what 8
I don't know if I'm hungry or horny Then stay out of my freezer
Ever since she walked out on me
What
You wanna spell it out with noodles
It's more of a fifth date kind of revelation
Isn't there
Yeah yeah I think there is
What were you going to say
Ever since she left me
I haven't been able to perform
***ually
Oh God I'm so sorry
Being spit on is probably not what you need right now
How long
Two years Wow
I'm glad you smashed her watch
So you still think you might want that fifth date
Yeah Yeah I do
We are gathered here to join Joanie Louise Cunningham
And Charles Chachi Chachi Chachi
In the bonds of holy matrimony
See
But Joanie loved Chachi That's the difference
Grab a spoon
Do you know how long it's been since I grabbed a spoon
Do the wordsBilly don't be a hero mean anything to you
Great story But I gotta go
I got a date with Andrea Angela No Andrea
Andrea's the screamer Angela has cats
Right thanks It's Julie I'm out of here
Here's the thing Even if I could get it together enough
To ask a woman out
Isn't this amazing I've never made coffee in my life
That is amazing Congratulations
If I can make coffee there isn't anything I can't do
If you feel like you have to make a Western omelet or something
Although actually I'm really not that hungry
Oh good Lenny and Squiggy are here
Good morning Good morning
Morning Morning Paul
Hello Paul Hi Paul is it
Thank you so much Stop
Last night was like all my birthdays both graduations
Plus the barn raising scene in Witness
Thank you
That wasn't a real date
Shut up and put my table back
I've got to get to work
So like you guys all have jobs
Yeah we all have jobs That's how we buy stuff
Yeah I'm an actor Have I seen you in anything
I doubt it Mostly regional work
At the little theater in the park
It was a job
Look Geppetto I'm a real live boy
I will not take this abuse You're right I'm sorry
You should both know that he's a dead man
Oh Chandler
How are you doing today Sleep okay
Did you talk to Barry I can't stop smiling
I see that You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth
I know He's just so
Remember you and Tony Demarco Oh yeah
Well it's like that With feelings
Wow are you in trouble Big time
Want a wedding dress Hardly used
I think we're getting a little ahead of ourselves
I'm going to get up go to work and not think about him all day
Or else I'm going to get up and go to work
Wish me luck What for
I'm gonna go get one of those job things
Hi Monica Franny welcome back
How was Florida You had ***didn't you
How do you do that I hate you
I'm pushing my aunt through Parrot Jungle you're having ***
So who
You know Paul
Paul the wine guy Yeah I know Paul
You mean you know Paul like I know Paul
What I take credit for Paul
Before me there was no snap in his turtle for two years
Of course it was a line
Why would anybody do something like that
I assume we want an answer more sophisticated than：
To get you into bed
I hate men
Don't hate You don't want to put that out into the universe
Is it me
Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs
And men with emotional problems can hear
Come here Give me your feet
I just thought he was nice you know
I can't believe you didn't know it was a line
Guess what You got a job
Are you kidding I'm trained for nothing
I was laughed out of 12 interviews You're surprisingly upbeat
You'd be too if you found these boots on sale
50 off 5
How well you know me
They're my I don't need a job
I've got great boots boots
How did you pay Credit card
And who pays for that
My father
Is this really necessary I can stop charging any time
You can't live off your parents
I know that That's why I was getting married
Give her a break It's hard being on your own
Thank you
I remember when I first came to this city I was 14
Mom had killed herself stepdad was in jail
I didn't know anybody here
I ended up living with this albino guy who was cleaning windshields
And then he killed himself
Then I found aromatherapy So I know exactly how you feel
The word you're looking for is：
You ready No how can I be ready
Ready to jump out of the plane with no parachute
I can't do this I know you can
No You made coffee you can do anything
Cut Cut Cut
You know what I think we can leave it at that
Kind of a symbolic gesture Rachel that was a library card
If you listen closely you can hear a thousand retailers scream
Welcome to the real world
It sucks You're gonna love it
That's it Are you going to crash on the couch
No I gotta go home sometime Are you gonna be okay
Look what I just found on the floor
What
That's Paul's watch Just put it back where you found it
Oh boy All right
Good night everybody Good night
I'm sorry Have it I don't want it Split it
You probably didn't know this but in high school
I had a major crush on you
I knew
You did
I figured you thought I was Monica's geeky brother
I did
Listen do you think
Try not to let my vulnerability become a factor here
Do you think it would be okay if I asked you out sometime
Yeah
Maybe
Okay
Okay maybe I will
Good night Good night
See you
Wait wait What's with you
I just grabbed a spoon
I can't believe what I'm hearing Can't believe what I'm hearing
What I said What I said
Would you stop Was I doing it again
Yes
I said you had a nice butt It's just not a great butt
You won't know a butt if it bit you There's an image
Would anybody like more coffee
You made it or you're serving it
I'm just serving it I'll have a cup of coffee
Kids new dream
I'm in Las Vegas
Miss more coffee
Could you give this to that guy over there
Go ahead Thank you
Sorry Okay Las Vegas
I'm in Las Vegas
I'm Liza Minnelli
我是丽莎·明奈利（Liza Minnelli）
